Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ow, ow, ow!!!

I can't exercise. Seriously. I can't move. Walking the dog hurts. Even riding a bike hurts. And last week, when I finally started swimming during the 15 minutes adult swim time at the public pool - my knee hurt again. This pain has been with me since 1995. I have gray hair. I have wrinkles. But I refuse to WALK like an old woman. There's no amount of bling one can add to a walker to make it sexy.

Out of complete and utter frustration with my lack of weight reversal, I made an appointment with a new (to me) knee doctor, Dr. X. After reading a business announcement that the Lehigh Valley's preeminent knee doctor was joining a practice I have been a patient of, I thought I should give this doctor a try. Sure, he may be a bit pushy on the replacement surgery, since he's done hundreds. I'm now at my wit's end for dealing with this pain for 15 years. I'm not getting any lighter.

I made the appointment. Dragged the kids with me. And started up again with another round of x-rays.
Then he came in. Not the famed, Dr. X. But some hunky young precious piece of gorgeous that made me regret not shaving my legs.

Dr. Hunky talked to me for 5 minutes, felt around both knees until he found the spot. (and no, this isn't a good pain) Then advised he take the fluid out of my left knee and give me a cortisone cocktail injection.  I warned him that I was allergic to pain. My son watched Dr. Hunky extract about 50 CC's of light red fluid from my knee. My daughter busied herself with games on my iPhone. Dr. Hunky was trying to get me to talk through the shot, asking the "where do you work, where are you from?" questions. But since the kids were in the room, I kept it together. I knew relief would be coming.

I've had one shot of cortisone to the knee in 1997.  It was soooooo good. I was looking forward to it. After that first shot, I was so happy to not feel pain, I ran up a flight of stairs. Stupid? Yup. But my heart really needed to feel like my body was 10 years younger again. I got my bounce back. Then the shot wore off. I got ugly. It's probably a good thing that I never tried cocaine.

Even though I knew relief would be temporary; I was going to get my bounce back, if only for a night. I would play with my kids and my dog in the yard after dinner. I would walk up the stairs at bedtime forgetting that my knee hurts. I would feel 25 again.

But not this time. Dr Hunky, did you miss?

I recently discovered a new diet motivational tool. Knee pain. Why would I want to add any more gravitational pressure on this? I'm done.

D. O. N. E. with feeling like a fat, ugly, drab piece of female unit.

This blog now becomes a shield between me and the late night cookie jar. And if I tire of the confessions of a middle aged mom, I'll try knitting. I'll give myself a manicure to keep my hands away from food. And shave my legs before the MRI on Friday. While I'm sure Dr. Hunky won't be there, I might see a sexy lab assistant.

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