Monday, January 3, 2011

We meet again, JC

I've been complaining for a while about my weight. Found many excuses for it, and for not dealing with it. Well, I should say that I did make some efforts. They were mostly pathetic attempts at meal plans, exercise plans, structured discipline. I'm a highly educated woman. I should be able to control myself. The solution is so basic; less calories in than out.

(whine) But my metabolism changed (whine)

My most common excuses
1. for eating - I needed energy, a reward, comfort, shouldn't waste it.
2. for exercise - too tired, too busy, no time for full work out and shower, too much knee pain.

Then I got a membership to a 24/7 Fitness Center. It's a great place. I even spent $$ on a trainer. She was great. After a month, I stopped going.

I stopped shopping for clothes years ago. I only shopped for necessary items. The last time I went shopping for nice items was during maternity - when it was acceptable to be big. After the kids were born, I couldn't bear to look in the dressing room mirrors. I was repulsed.

And then my son called me fat. Not to be mean. But he just hasn't developed the honesty filter yet.
And then my daughter asked me if she was going to be fat like me when she grew up.
And then I outlived my father this past summer.
And then I couldn't run to catch the school bus.
And then I felt pain in my good knee.

For a couple of months after that, my incredibly supportive husband and I considered the option of going back to the only diet plan that worked for me before. During my doctoral program, 15 years ago, I lost 35 pounds on this program. Aside from looking better and feeling better, I found a really good motivator; NOT waste money. This weight loss program is a serious financial investment. The only thing I didn't do well enough, was learn the eat/balance fitness lessons to avoid regaining the weight.

The program prescribed everything I ate, they counted the calories, portioned the food. I needed to see results. When I weaned off their food, I was happy. Honestly, I was getting sick of it. I missed cooking. But then I slipped into the habits that filled me out in the first place. The program and my own lack of awareness - failed me.

So we meet again, Jenny Craig. This time, we engage with my eyes wide open. I'm taking your menu plans, your prepared meals and I'm going to start making some adjustments to real life. I see your ridiculously overpriced 110 calorie, 2.5 inch "Anytime Snack Bars" that taste like chewy, wax coated felt. I also see a box of 100 calorie SlimFast snack bars for half the price of yours. I also see many 100 calorie real food options. So what I'm going to do, is decide on whether or not I want to buy your food, or substitute something else.

You are not a restaurant. You are not a grocery store. I have paid for you to plan my meals, and for your consultant to keep me on track with weekly weigh-ins. Who should be better trained to help me figure out my eating issues, not pushing food sales. Oh, and did I mention how hard it is to take seriously any dieting advise from a "consultant" who has never had a weight issue? I'll be working out my food psychology issues with a more qualified professional.

You got my program money. This relationship will be on my terms this time. What are you going to do, send Valerie Bertinelli after me?

1 comment:

  1. I think you are beautiful as you are today, but I certainly understand feeling like you are living in someone elses body! I wish you the best as you take the bull by the horns! If Valarie shows up, tell her piss off!