Friday, October 19, 2012

Hump Day

Normal people don't consider Friday night a "hump day." I've never said I was normal. I mean, it's definitely not normal to have one night off or weekend without schedule since August 14th. Yes, this is by my own choice. I posted on my Facebook page yesterday, that someone told me I make myself too available. That person is right. I do.

I make myself available for things I care about. I've written before about my tendency to over-commit to things, and how this habit started as a coping mechanism when I was a teenager. This is a tough habit to break.

Now that the kids are nine, and Steve is about to start on new meds (Copaxone), I need to make a major life adjustment. My coping mechanisms have to change for a healthier way to deal with the inevitable job stress (which really isn't that stressful when there's so much real crap in the world that offers perspective), stress by getting involved in civic things which brings political stickiness, and all the other stress that is just plain life. Seriously, life is pretty good.

My coping mechanisms have to offer a way to give my day a bit more balance in increasing my heart rate instead of my blood pressure. I've written manifestos of change before. But what I never did before was actually celebrate the ending of bad behaviors, bad choices, and accepting the responsibility of all of it.

Tomorrow night is a big party where I work; the annual Gala. There's a fantastic artist performing, who will not only entertain, but inspire. Inspire me to loose weight to be as petite as her? No way - I'm not unrealistic. But she has inspired me to buy a dress with sparkles. I may even use some of Bridget's body glitter. I'm going to put on my party hat (that means careful make up application and extra hair product). I'll force my feet into heels and sit down as much as possible. It's going to be a celebration for me, a saying goodbye to the habits and choices that keep me from taking care of myself.

Tomorrow before the big party, I'll be hanging out in a vendor tent at a community event. But, while this event is going on, another event is happening for the first time in Bethlehem - a half marathon festival by Runner's World magazine. I'll have to work out a travel plan around the marathon route; but I'll be wishing I was in shape to be able to run it.

I'm not going to expect that one day I'll be able to run a half marathon. I passed over that delusion last year. However....

Sunday, the day in which the only thing I have scheduled is to get our pumpkins carved and practice the Halloween make-up, I'm going to find time between menu planning, groceries, laundry, lesson plans, and research to get back out on the street with my tired running shoes, my dog, maybe my friend Todd and start on day one. I'm pretty good at filling my day with work, finding work, or multi-tasking my day half consciously present to the task or conversation at hand.

I've been waiting for time to magically present itself in my schedule. I've been waiting for some magical switch inside my resolve to stay disciplined. The act that needs to happen, is that I need to hit the switch with conscious deliberation.

Part of a mid life crisis, is the grace to accept the wisdom that comes with the age. This summer, I reconnected with a former professor and mentor who reminded me about accountability to my own decisions. Since I'm starting to feel comfortable in my own skin - maybe it's time to start taking care of my skin, and all the parts packaged inside it.

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