I will not succumb

I've written previously about my relationship with Jenny Craig. I had joined the weight-loss program in 1996, and again in 2002, and again in 2011. Even though I was able to drop weight, when I stopped eating the not so tasty and very expensive food, my weight came back on. I'm obviously a very good customer for them.

Not anymore.

You suck, JC. Your food stinks, your "counselors" don't have any real training (except for selling). For the amount of money you charge, you could at least hire nutritionists to work with your clients on meal planning after they stop eating your meal plans. How about counselors who actually have degrees in counseling? Want to get to the real issues of why you overeat? Talk to a psychologist, not a weight loss counselor who has lost their own weight. I mean, if I have a broken bone, I'm going to see an orthopedic surgeon, not talk to someone who had their own broken bone.

"Here, use my cast. It worked for me."

Dieting and exercise make me nuts. I think about it every day. I'm frustrated, I'm defeated, and I want someone else to figure out for me. But that's exactly how I ended up angry at Jenny Craig. Isn't it just like a citizen of the first world - diverting self loathing at a program or a product? Never want to admit that the tool works only when utilized with knowledge. One usually doesn't use a screwdriver to pound in a nail.

This applies to most things in life, BTW.

Steve suggested I return to JC a few weeks ago. He knows I'm frustrated. He knows it's ridiculously expensive. But he also knows that I'm much happier when my BMI is not at "obese" levels. Yes, I went public on that. Steve is always willing to support me in whatever I want to do that will make me satisfied with life. There's great trust and support in our relationship. He totally gets me, and still loves me despite my self loathing, selfishness, and childish ways.

According to every online BMI calculator, I am obese. There is no fudging numbers. I can't suck in my BMI in a full length mirror. I know that if I lose 10% of my current weight, so many pending health issues will diminish their likelihood. I know I have good genes (thanks to my Irish genealogy, the Italian side gave me my appetite) - but I'm gambling with the odds. I also have bad knees. Pain would be less if I dropped weight.

I've got to make a substantial change here. And it means I'll have to dedicate some time and energy, and  be persistent. There are much better tools available to me now. And I'll have to figure out how to make the tools work for me.

What I got from JC was an established weekly menu; all meals and snacks accounting for calories-not sure about nutritional value. While I did learn portion control through modeling, I did not learn how to adjust my own daily cooking and eating habits. When I cook for the family meals, I'm not paying attention to calories. Luckily, there's an app for that. in fact, there are two that I have been using this past week to a very good start. I actually feel like I can sustain my efforts with tools that make planning easy and adjustable.

All Recipes.com When you join the free membership category, you can make and save meal plans. And you can search the recipes by (get this!) by "recipes under 300/200/100 calories." I plan meals for the next 4-5 days, and only cook enough to feed 4 people. If there's a bit of leftover, next day lunch is already calculated. After a meal plan is created - voila, the shopping list is done, too. I transfer the ingredients I need into my Wegman's app and I can more easily stick to the list.

MyFitnesspal.com Best calorie counting app I've found yet. Another free membership and it has an iPhone and iPad version. The only bad thing is that they don't sync to the web based profile. Or maybe I'm doing something wrong. Either way, I'm logging food in the iPad, and for now, that's working fine. The food data base is really good. And (get this) when I type recipes from Allrecipes.com, they are in the app. If they aren't, I can very easily figure out the calorie count of a meal I create.

My dream app would be one that syncs my workouts from Runkeeper. But that would be just too lazy.

One of the projects I have planned for the summer is to come up with 30 meals my family and I can agree on. I'll put those meals on cards, and shift them around the next three months of meal planning. Then, in the fall, I'll do it again. This leaves room for new meal ideas and a few adventures. Same goes for lists of other meals and snacks.

Biggest piece of wisdom I have to share - mindful eating doesn't happen in a week. And for me, it doesn't happen when I pay someone else to be mindful for me. It will take a very long time to undue these bad habits. But the most important motivation stares at me now with innocent blue eyes. And she's starting to worry about her pudgy tummy at 9 years old. And she's about to enter that time in her life when kids can be cruel. And there is nothing wrong with her body.

But she's watching me - and she's learning how to feel bad about herself image from that observation.

4/90