Hocus Pocus -- Focus!

One week to vacation. After tending to new email, I spent most of the day categorizing tasks lists I'm trying to remember from various notes I've recovered, and some I've lost in the the summer shuffle. It's an overwhelming activity, because by the end of two hours, I've collected, reorganized and imagined new tasks to an unreasonable level. Again.

I fight for clarity in my tasks so that I end up choosing the right activities in the right sequence. I fight this feeling of needing to do more than I should have to. I fight for balance between work and family and myself. I fight the sense of urgency to win favor from others. Ultimately, I fight fatigue.

This isn't a new situation. I know I've written about this before. I keep hoping that if I write about it, I will find clarity of purpose.

Today was a pretty bad day mixed with extreme dizziness. Of course this episode comes the day after I cancel an EMG test because I've been feeling better. This is not a good time for me to have this thing; whatever it is. There's too much going on - and I need to be working.

I've got to pull it together. I've got this task list, see? I've got things to do for my family. I'm supposed to be finding time to exercise and eat healthy. I'm not supposed to be spending the precious hours of the day nursing myself.

But a girl's gotta dream, right? At least that's what I got accomplished today.

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#50 of 90in90 in LUBlogTribe