Tuesday, August 2, 2011

But I don't want to...

It's August. The last month of summer. The month of cramming in the rest of the summer 2011 bucket list or forever hold the ideas in disappointment. The kids have had a decent summer. Their computer program gave them some chances to see friends and get their geek on. We've had plenty of trips to the pool and various adventures around the Lehigh Valley. I must say, our parks are outstanding.

On the down side, the heat waves chased us inside for a little too much TV. We know they've reached the "too much TV" point when they can recite commercials verbatim. A few years ago, I thought my daughter was brilliant at memorizing lines. "I should get her some auditions in New York." I knew it was only brilliant marketing. The really challenging commercials are the amusement parks. The kids don't yet know how hard a day at the amusement park is on us- in multiple ways. As we are trying to stay on a budget, one day at an amusement park can kill it. They'd be crushed if they were't tall enough for all the rides. Let's not even talk about the damage the amusement park food would do to my digestive system. I keep telling them I didn't get to a Six Flags until I was 12. Four years from now is a half their life time in the future; inconceivable.

One of the many great things about my kids is that they accept my decisions even when they don't like it. They might pout for a minute, but they move on quickly when I tell them, "no." I'm not sure how much longer they will tolerate being dragged to some of my activities. When I have a babysitter who really engages with them, they are in heaven. I'm grateful for the people who come into my kids' lives; teachers, sitters, coaches, relatives and any adult who talks to them (not at them).

Another thing that has luckily happened with my kids is that they go to bed when we tell them. Bedtime routine, even in the summer, isn't a fight. I think it's because when they were babies, they had to learn to self soothe very early. I simply couldn't let them both fall asleep on my shoulder at the same time.

If I could only give myself the gift of going to sleep when I should. Sleep is a gift. Sleep is better than chocolate, good Irish Whiskey, or even sex. Sleep is when I'm not stressing about work, the kids, my husband, the car, the dog, the house, the garbage, the groceries, the laundry, my mother, my mother in law, my siblings, Steve's siblings, the yard, our neighbors, our friends past and present, my wardrobe,.... - it's where I let it all go. I have great dreams. Sometimes I like it when the alarm goes off in the middle of a vivid dream. I shut off the alarm to go back and finish the dream, not caring what responsibility I have to address at the time I set for waking.

What I can't figure out is why I withhold the sleep I love when there is no cost, no risk, and no benefit for not sleeping. I desire to wake at 6am in order to get in a 45 minute walk/run before Steve goes to work. I know I'm best on 7.5-8 hours of sleep. Logically, that means going to bed at 10 in order to fall asleep by 10:30. So why don't I do that?

Because I'm still a petulant child who doesn't want to go to bed - I don't want to miss the fun the grown ups are having. Perhaps part of growing older and wiser is reclaiming sleep as a need and not a punishment.

One can only hope.

#47 of 90in90 for #LUBlogTribe

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